Day 4: Your favourite photo of your best friend
I know it asks for a photo, but I have no photo, and I want to ramble and be depressing, hahaha. This is actually pretty personal stuff for me, and I guess I'm only writing this to show myself how far I've come. We're talking about a decade of my life here, so I hope you won't judge me and just accept me for who I am or have now become. Thanks.
This is another strange one for me.. I feel like every time I have a 'best friend', the type of friendship is different. Obviously, they're people that you get along with and practically tell everything to. I've only ever had a few 'best friends' in my life so far. I can count them on one hand, and each one has appeared at a different time in my life.
I remember a girl that I used to be best friends with in primary school. We ended up going to different secondary schools, but our friendship carried on for a good 2 or 3 years - we used to write letters to each other and send each other things. (This was when Facebook didn't exist and MSN was mediocre. Sometimes we'd use AIM.. gosh, I feel so old.) When Facebook eventually sprang to life, I managed to get her email address off an old mutual friend, and then ended up talking to her on MSN. The weirdest thing was that we still had exactly the same interests.. I felt like we would still be good friends if we hadn't taken different paths. But I guess that's the way life goes.
Ahh, secondary school. Don't you think it's strange how people can change so quickly and easily through a few years at 'high' school? It would only take one summer; a mere three months compared to that spent at school, to change a person entirely. For me, secondary school wasn't all fun and games like it was supposed to be. It was more of a challenge. Here comes the emo part. I used to spend most of the time on my own. I was what you'd call a drifter. I wasn't really close to everyone, but I don't really think anyone had anything against me - I was just quiet and liked to keep to myself. I guess you could say I was bad at socialising. (I pretty much still am.) I drifted between two different groups of people, but I never felt like I really belonged to either of them.
Reaching year 9/10 was when my time at school began to change - I started to enjoy things more. Mostly because I'd become good friends with another girl in my form. Eventually we became best friends, and spent most of our time together. Once we reached year 11 and were about to take another big step in our lives (going on into A levels), I decided to stay on at school, whilst she decided to go to college. I can't tell you how this affected our friendship. Looking back, I should really have been more understanding and a lot less defensive. I remember everyone used to ask me what had happened to 'us' and why we didn't seem to be close, or even friends any more. I remember thinking that these people didn't really care about me, or even the both of us - they were evidently only curious and nosy.. why would you only start caring now when you've never even had a proper conversation with me for five years? It surprises a lot of people who hear this, but there are actually people who I knew and saw five times a day for 7 years, and never spoke to.
Getting out of the depressing stage, I saw sixth form as a chance for me to start afresh. Countless new students came into my year, and I became friends with the majority of them. I felt that I fitted in well with them - I didn't feel judged or unwanted, and I started coming out of my shell. I actually ended up being good friends with a girl who had been in my year since year 7. We told each other practically everything, and each lesson we had together would just be filled with laughter. I never classified her as a best friend though - until she asked me one day why I'd filled in on a facebook note that I didn't have one. Then she told me that I was one of her best friends, and I realised that I'd been preventing myself from believing that we were, when she might not have felt the same about our friendship. Hahaaa, I just realised this entire post makes it sound like I went out with these people T_T
ANYWAYS, then in between secondary school and university, I became good friends with someone who used to go to my primary school, but in the year below. Our parents were friends, so we'd met each other when we were younger, but we'd never actually spoken properly. I'm not even sure how it started, but less than a year along, and we were very close friends. We talk a lot less now, but whenever we do talk - even if it's after a month - it's like we never stopped talking to each other. We both know that we'll be there for each other if needed, and I feel so lucky to have this friendship.
Friendship has a lot to do with effort. There's no point in trying to be friends with someone who doesn't see you as a friend - your efforts will just be wasted. I've found culture to be one of the largest barriers in friendship. So many people have misunderstood me or talked down to me because of my respect for my parents and my love for my family. I used to get really annoyed about it, but over time I've realised that it's all just a cultural difference. I don't expect people to understand me any more, so I just do me and see how everything turns out. I'm accustomed to being alone, so now it really doesn't bother me that much. There's no point having billions of friends of whom none can be trusted, when you could have a tiny group of friends of which you could trust every single one of them.
If you managed to reach the end of this post, then Thank You for spending time to read about my life. I'm not usually this depressing, but I guess today's challenge made me want to let go and properly write about everything.
What was your high school life like?